I Heard What You Didn't Say

Many years ago I read an article entitled, "I Heard What You Didn't Say." It was about communication, especially between couples and family members who share a history. For example, a husband and wife are seated in a restaurant and the wife says, "The fish looks good." Innocuous, right? But the husband throws his menu down on the table and storms out. His wife has been nagging him for years to stop eating red meat and to lose weight so he interprets her remark as yet another attempt to change his behavior. In other words, he heard what she didn't say. I have since thought of this communication between close friends and family to be fraught with innuendo and double meanings and have many times wished that amnesia protected me from hearing what (I assume) they didn't say.

At the end of last month when I finally got around to preparing my visiting teaching message (because, heaven forbid I get it done one week earlier than required!) I remembered it was May and, therefore, the message was to be taken from the conference talks. Before picking up the magazine, I started to think back over what I remembered hearing and Elder Nelson's talk jumped out at me--the one about Dear Ruby and family history. I recalled that during his talk I had written two goals down in my journal: 1) to write my personal history and 2) to write a family history for the Perez family. I even had the idea that it would be great for all the adults in my family to write their personal histories and exchange them for Christmas. I assumed I had taken note of what Elder Nelson said but, when I went back and read the talk so I could present it to my sisters, I discovered that he didn't say any such thing.

I have frequently taught the importance of going to General Conference with questions. I have even told stories of people who have received answers to problems they have struggled with for years during General Conference but this is the first time I can remember it specifically happening for me. Thank heaven we are sometimes allowed to "hear what they didn't say"!